I have a couple in this university that is facing this turbulent times, and I sincerely feel sad for them because both of them are my really good friends. The guy is like a brother to me and the girl is really like a sister to me. We share stories, laugh, share food, and do stuffs together.
I used to picture them as the perfect ideallic relationship, but i guess there are times when relationships are sometimes just not meant to be together.
By putting up this entry I want to emphasize on how men react and deal with it. Plus golden rules to keep up (not really authentic rule but up to you guys to follow or not) in the severed relationship.
Deep inside I pray that these two great people get back together and continue to be my source of inspiration for a perfect couple and a perfect family…
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Dating & Relating – Taken from MSN Dating & Relating. ![]()
Breakups: How men deal
By Steve Friedman
Let’s say you didn’t find him in bed with your best friend. Let’s say he didn’t discover that you had “borrowed” his credit card and run up a $1,000 bill at your favorite spa. Those are special cases. No, let’s assume this breakup was, like most breakups, difficult and heartbreaking—but in your better moments, you have to admit this guy had some good points. You miss him. And if you’re like most women, you may also be wondering: Does he miss me, too? How is he handling this delicate post-relationship period that many women fill with crying jags, supportive girlfriends, and more than a few Cosmopolitans? And how should you deal with him during this tough time? Allow me to fill you in.
I admit it: My last breakup found me downing pints of peanut-butter-cup ice cream late at night, trying to cling to memories of the bad times so I could stop obsessing about her long, smooth legs and the way she cried at Harry Potter movies. Even though the breakup was “mutual,” I couldn’t stop thinking about her. As hard as it was, I forced myself not to call. And then, in the predawn darkness, I found myself on the receiving end of a 3 a.m. phone call from her. Worse, I found myself seriously entertaining her drunken entreaties. She took a taxi over wearing God knows what under a trench coat, and it wasn’t until my hand was about to open my front door lock that I suddenly remembered — seeing the vodka flush on her neck — why we broke up in the first place.
From that close call, I made up Rule #1: Both men and women are better off having no contact with the ex right after the breakup. Especially after dark, especially when she’s wearing God knows what under a trench coat. If you’ve both agreed, “We’ll just be friends,” it’s even dicier.
“It’s impossible to be friends with an ex!” exclaim many. My friend Al takes exception to this rule. Al’s motto is, “We’re all adults. And adults do stupid things. So let’s not blame each other.”
Al is the kind of guy who didn’t show up when his girlfriend’s parents were in town, the one you finally wrote off as a calloused, shallow player. Suddenly, he calls to tell you, breathily, that he’s thinking of you. Can you trust him? No matter how sincere he sounds, force yourself to remember the night your co-worker busted him at a club with young Bambi—the same the night he begged off on dinner with you because he had the “flu.” Among his guy friends, Al is known as “The Hound,” and he receives from we men a certain appalled and loathing awe. From you, he should receive bupkis, especially if he comes knocking after a breakup. Tempting as it may be to be wooed by someone you recently separated from, please consider what I’ve deemed Rule #2: The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. So unless you’re longing for a steady diet of heartbreak soup, tell your ex when he comes calling that you’ve got company, and that you’ll call him back in a minute. Then don’t.
The truth, however, is that most of us are not hounds. No, we’re as confused as you are. That explains why, when we’re longing for you, we watch hours of football on TV. Or bury ourselves in our work at the office. Or pull out the ice cream. Most of us miss you.
Most of us wish we could give it another chance, and that this time, it would work. So the question you must be wondering is, should you believe him if he calls trying to reconcile?
In short: probably not. In fact, in my experience, the more dramatic his gesture to “make things work this time,” the less likely he’ll be able to follow through. Case in point: 15 years ago, a week before my ex’s wedding, I called to propose marriage myself. But that offer was worth less than the quarters I desperately pumped into the bar pay phone. Here’s another hint: When it feels like a desperate move on his part, it is. Desperate moves are not good moves.
Of course, everyone knows an exception—stories of love lost then found again that give us hope. For two years, this guy named Tom was the perfect boyfriend to my friend Christina. When Christina pushed for a bigger commitment, Tom bailed, but six months later, he was calling, writing, emailing, sending flowers. Christina was the best thing that ever happened to him. Having been in therapy three times a week, he’d finally conquered his commitment-phobia. He wanted to be with her more than he wanted anything in his life.
Christina took a chance. They just celebrated their five-year anniversary. Was your former relationship like theirs—damaged, but not irreparable? It’s certainly tempting to think so. But in my experience, it’s highly unlikely. Highly, highly, highly unlikely.
Which leads me to Rule #3, which is really less a rule than a speech. To me, this is what a guy wants to hear after a breakup: “Honey, I hope someday we can be friends, because in addition to all the love and resentment and hard times we went through, I think you’re a great guy. But right now, I need to get over you. Maybe in six months or so, we can get together for lunch and laugh about all this, but right now, I’m too busy crying.” Sad, but dignified. Hurt, but decent. Firm, but gentle. Because the truth is, I’ve heard stories of couples who broke up but got back together and are still going strong. I’ve heard about couples who broke up then smoothly transitioned to become friends or even the occasional booty call. I’ve also heard about unicorns frolicking under the stars in Central Park. I’ve heard about this stuff, but — beyond Christina and Tom — I’ve rarely actually seen it. So delete his emails, his number from your cell phone, and any other reminders that might make you slip back into something that clearly wasn’t working the first time around. That opens the door to the better things that are yet to come.
Steve Friedman is the author of The Gentleman’s Guide to Life.
sedangkan lidah lagi tergigit……
~ inikan pula suami isteri. tapi kalau tergigit hari2 mau putus jugak lidah tu tau :p
suker suker die jerr tambah errkk “:P
yang pergi gigit sampai putus tu saper suruh? jejeje
~ kadang2 tak sengaja. tapi kalau putus we can always do operative surgery utk sambung balik lidah kan kan kan
things happened ok… kalau dah kun tue… kun lah jugakan… so terima ajerla… and deal it wit the right way… settle it peacefully… just say it… coz all we can do is only bein’ a shoulder to cry to, ears to hear and all… araso… hake…
~ i am definitely being a shoulder, and i really hope they’ll do the same too.
Umi experienced real punya n would like to share them with umi son n daughter.
Breaking up is very down under. Best if u go to separation first meaning back to friendship rather than relationship. Keep those jealous feeling, give yourself the space coz actually u’re just going into this eekk feeling of loneliness from friends n gang. Times u have to have your night out with friends without him or her.
U’ll feel great coz u’re still able to communicate like those days without having to jaga ur partner’s feeling especially when theres do’s n don’t.
Umi agree with the statements not to meet after break up especially when u know whats under those trench coat. After those separation about 6 month or so u’ll know whether he or her is for u. Imagine once married u’ll be living n meeting 24 hours n god knows what bad habits one has.
How to handle those dark moments simple just write down good n bad n valuate them. Infidility if it happens once just forgive n give ur partner a second chance but if it persist then forget them n move on coz u’re just attracted to their words n touch only n they doesn’t suit to be ur life partner coz they just don’t want to be commited.
As for umi before separation happens did solat istiqarah coz AL MIGHTY knows better. Take care umi son mirul n daughter. Apapun umi’ll be around if u all need the shoulder. Cannot deny it hurts n when it happened to umi, it took umi 6 months to gain the positive attitude coz umi have kids n then umi pasrah meaning ALLAH is actually giving umi second chance to venture relationship n life n HE is right.
~ umi, thanks, as usual GREAT comments hehe. i guess it must be different to be a mother, and seeing everything from a hawk’s eyes perception huhu. so i am really grateful i hv you to give advices and a shoulder to cry on!!!
i’ll be a good son, promise *wide smile*
huhuhuh..
hopefuli my brother n sister in 6th floor tersebut..
lambang i think they are made for each other..sob sob
~ hmm yelah. i am praying they’ll have the best in the future. and i am praying if the seperation is good for them, then let it be. if togetherness is good for them, then let it be. light will show the way and definitely things happen for a reason…
Syyhhh… what I want to tell u is a secret tau!! Jgn bagitau sesapa tau!! Heheheh ~~~~ ;p
B4 i met with my hubbykan, dia dah ada GF. Satu ofis pulak tu. GF dia tua 10 tahun dari my hubby. So byk probs. Family tak restu, different perspectives etc etc. He met me masa diorang tgh ‘di hujung tanduk’. So, masa tu me jadi pendengar setia la. Me pun masa tuh masih belum nak commit anything. Masih seronok jadi player!! haha.. ;0)
Then, pendek cerita, they broke up. I’m end up with him. Bila dah met his parents n everything, hubby berubah. Dia kata cant forget the girl. Maklum la, tetiap hari tgk muka, kan? N the girl did everything she could to get him back, esp bila tau hubby dah ada me. Nak tau my strategi tak Irzan? Strategi how to make sure what is mine is MINE??
Jeng jeng jeng…. me berhenti kerja kat tmpt me tuh, then apply kerja kat ofis hubby. ACEPPTED!! Hahahah… now, me n the girl fight face to face. And of course u know siapa yg menang in the end la kan!! :p
Lelaki ni kan….naluri dia sebenarnya mmg seorang yg setia. Tapi, dia juga percaya bahawa dia boleh setia pada ramai pencinta yg lain (meaning other girls la). Tinggal lagi nak percayakan dia yg its worthwhile. Kdg2 diaorg nampak dari sudut hati dia saja, not hati perempuan. Tu yg me tgh ajar n pupuk my hubby skrg!!
Tapi, I learned one thing la masa dia tgh frust dulu… dia kena di pampered macam budak2… hehhehe…. perasaan dia tu fragile sungguh!!!
~ hmm bila perempuan bergossip hehe berapi2 betoi!
tapi best gile lah baca ur comment about ur hubby – and i guess it’s sweet that you fought for ur hubby (siap tukar kerja nih smangat btol) tapi it is well worth it kan? i guess ur hubby must be very glad and thankful that he has u for a wife *smile*
you’re a player??? wow! susah ada orang nak ngaku dia player tau dak? mesti ada something or some courage yg buatkan mum ngaku nih. what’s up?
anyways, mum, how to determine that somebody is faithful in the long distance relationship eh? *wink* isn’t it hard for a girl to pamper her bf in the long distance thingy?
takde apa tanye, kesian my awek huhu..
Irzan dear,
Sorry la, bab LDR ni cam susah nak tolong… sbb my experience, semuanya kantoi!! Hahaha… tak tahan beb!! Me ni jenis manja, suka org ambil perhatian. Kalau jauh ni, awal2 je hangat… lama2, buhsan!! Seriyes!!
Hubby yg dok kat wing sblh sana pun, me keep calling tanya how is he doing. Kalau hubby outstation pun, me will called him evrynite before sleep. Tu baru call, belum kira sms lagi, belum kira note yg me letak kat wallet la, beg la etc. Hehehehe…
~ adui this msg is definitely not helping at all!!!
“…with trust and love we put in place, we ensure to hold the trust that the other gives”
That was my message to your future Sis in Law since we are in LDR
“LOVE” is an indefinite subject Broe – there are no specific formulas for each scenarios coz human is designed to be unique in his/her own way
~ hm.. sounds like a very responsible message indeed. i am really sure she is happy with you, Insya-Allah.
i wish you can tell me more about your love relationship, bro Danny
That is really really good advise.. Excellent insight, well-written, honest and truthful!